e hols

i decided to start blogging again... cos:

1) im super bored at home wif nth to do
2) i need to start voicing out
3) dearest sarah complained dat my blog is dead (haha yes, it is dead)

this is e 1st hols i have since e start of uni dat i wouldnt be seeing him... or rather this is e 1st time, i wont be seeing him... in e past we saw each other almost everyday... at 1st it was vv sweet... e feeling of holding his hand, sitting beside him during lect and tut... he would wait for me to buy my lunch b4 he starts eating his... and all these have turned into memories... for this entire sem, i have been struggling... i was sick 3 times in a mth... trying to fight back e tears... e hand which used to be so familar to touch became so distant... friends said i wasnt myself, said i shld move on... ya i wan to move on, who doesnt? how could u put away all those 'stuff' completely when u get to c e person almost everyday? b4 sch started, i told myself dat i shld stop hanging out wif him, cos i need to move on... but i realised dat my world was built arnd him... BIG MISTAKE ive made...

i nv regretted on starting dat relationship... although i always liked to joke abt dat in front of him... and i thank him for supporting me throughout these whole mess... i used to be angry wif him when he didnt turn up for my dance events or when he juz refused to attend camps wif me... n ive realized how unreasonable i am... im always angry dat he doesnt spend more time wif me cos of dota n dat he isnt sensitive enuff... but truth is have i ever paid attention to how he feels? nope i didnt...

some things could be changed n things could be made better... but ive grown to noe dat no matter how much we change, some things remained e same... wad was nt meant to be, would nt be meant to be... i would like to go back to e days when we were vv distant from each other, such dat we would nt care abt e existence of each other... back to e impression of him being a vv vulgar and animated guy and e impression of me being a talkative gal who doesnt stop talking... back to dat distance we had...

i guess he had changed alot for me... from a person who totally hates gg out, to a person who makes an effort to compromise and stood by me when i was sad... n i appreciate dat... so i will let it all go now, cos it isnt worth holding on to something which cannot be changed...